More Guilt Than I Can Stand

Pritsha is like my child. No matter that she's gone..I love her and I always will. I can barely comprehend how I'm going to get through..or how I've gotten through the last two days. I miss her so much.

And I can't stand the guilt. You see, Pritsha started getting sick with a cold back in the winter. I didn't take her in to the vet..she had had the cold so many times before. So I gave her some left over antibiotics and left her to get over the cold on her own. It lingered a long time and she lost weight.

Josh and I had both agreed we would not do any life saving measures for the cats because of their age, the cost and the fact that our daughter is allergic to them. But the least I could have done was taken her to the vet and gotten her some more antibiotics to get over the cold.

She did eventually get over the cold, but she had lost so much weight by that point...I figured she'd eat and gain some back..but I wasn't that worried. She needed to lose some anyway (she wasn't overweight then, but I still wanted her to have less weight on her leg-she had torn her ACL some time ago and the vet had replaced it and said that weight and age would cause arthritis). She was still eating, albeit mostly people food. I'd give her a SMIDGE and then tell her to go eat her food. Bad mom.

I noticed she was getting slimmer and I told Josh that I didn't think she would live a lot longer..she was getting old (she would have been 12 this year, which I've recently discovered isn't that old). But I still didn't take her in. I just thought she was getting old.

But when a friend came to visit and so how bad she was looking, I realized she was skinnier than I had realized..and I took her in. Too late. Even after the doctor told me to get food down her, I force fed her for a few days and then left her to eat on her own..but she didn't....when I took her in again, she was losing more weight and then at the second vet's urging, began the force feeding 6-8 times a day, but it didn't help.

I don't know what she died of..if it was the infection that caused the weight loss that caused the shutting down of her body..or if it was a chronic condition (kidney disease could have still been the culprit) that caused the weight loss and shutting down.

All I know is that I SHOULD have done something..and now I've lost someone I love so much...so furmoms and dads..pay attention. If your cat gets a cold or starts losing weight, don't think that it will resolve itself on it's own. It won't. Take her. Get her help. And don't think it's just old age and accept it..fight for your pet.

So it's my fault she's gone. I hate myself for that. I should have disregarded everything and taken her in. She'd probably still be alive.