Grieving

I miss my baby.

I miss being pregnant. I miss that feeling of knowing something amazing is coming.

I wonder if it would have been a boy or a girl. I wonder if the baby would have had my dimples or Scott's eyes.

We watched Up last night with Caleb. Scott and I both teared up at the part when Ellie loses her baby.

When we first found out I was pregnant, we told Caleb that a baby would be growing inside my tummy. He hadn't mentioned anything to us about the baby since the miscarriage, and we hadn't brought it up. Then yesterday I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and Caleb pointed to my stomach and asked me, "Mommy, is the baby starting to grow in there?"

For the most part, I've been doing very well lately. The day I went to the doctor and found out for sure I had miscarried, I left the doctor's office and went straight to the dollar store to pick up things for Awana that night. I made it through Awana...and that's how it's kind of been since then. Every day, I make it through. There are so many things to keep me busy at this time of year. It's only when I am alone in the quiet moments that the grief and the pain hit me. I've lost a baby. I have a baby in heaven.

Don't get me wrong--I completely trust God in this situation. I know that He is in control and that He has a plan. I know that my baby is with Him now, and there is no better place to be. But I am still human, and my human selfishness wants my baby back here sometimes. I think it will take quite awhile to stop feeling that way.

I do rejoice in the two healthy children that I have, and the incredibly supportive husband who stands by my side. I thank God for the family and friends who surround me, especially those who have comforted me with the words, "I've been there." I am so blessed.

I am just grieving.

Rear Facing Until at Least Age 2

Go here for the full story, but the AAP has just changed its guidelines on child carseat safety.

We've always heard to turn our kids around from rear-facing to forward-facing when they are 20 pounds and at least one year old. Well, here is an excerpt from the AAP's release:

New research indicates that toddlers are more than five times safer riding rear-facing in a car safety seat up to their second birthday....

Toddlers should remain rear-facing in a convertible car seat until they have reached the maximum height and weight recommended for the model, or at least the age of 2.

There a great post here by El, who is a child passenger safety technician. She has several helpful links off of her post.

We had just turned Isaac around last week (at 14 months) and were thinking we were conservative to wait so long. I will be telling Scott that he's going to have to turn that thing back around now!

Cloth Diaper Review: Tiny Tush Fitted Diapers

UPDATED 9/2/09: The Tiny Tush diapers were my first experience ever with a fitted diaper. I had never seen one in person, since I didn't know anyone then who used cloth diapers. As you'll see in the review below, I was very surprised by how bulky they were! But of course now I know that ALL fitted/cover options are bulky when compared with disposables. I actually really like the Tiny Tush now when paired with a wool cover. Tiny Tush and the BumGenius bamboo fitteds are my favorites.

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When I ordered my diapers, I ended up ordering from 4 different places to take advantage of sales and get free shipping on everything. All my diapers have arrived with the exception of my Dream-Eze fitteds, so I'll talk about them in another week or so.

I washed all the fitted diapers and covers, and I set yesterday as my cloth trial date for those. I've already been using the SposoEasy all-in-one diapers, and those are FABULOUS. Loving them. But the fitteds...well, here's the review of one brand of fitteds I've tried.


Price: $12.55 each for Tiny Tush Trim One Size fitted diaper

Availability: sewcraftybaby.com and many other sites (this is a good place to check out sales at diaper sites)

How it works: Fitted diapers are just thick pieces of cloth, basically, that are sewn into the shape of a diaper. They close with either snaps or velcro. I worry that velcro might wear down in the wash, and it's easier for little hands to open, so I opt for snaps most of the time. (Snaps have drawbacks, too--they take longer to close, which is important to know if you have a wiggly baby.)

Fitteds require the use of a waterproof cover over them. Basically the fitted can get soaked, but the cover keeps the wetness from getting on the clothes. I know that we've been raised to think that's icky if there's something wet next to baby's skin, but it's actually pretty comfortable for them, and safer than having all the chemicals of a disposable next to the skin.)

Pros:

• They are 100% cotton and are very cozy feeling.
• These are "one size fits all" diapers. You can snap them down to make them smaller for a newborn, and you can leave them unsnapped for a bigger baby (Isaac is big enough that I leave it unsnapped).
• So far, these seem pretty absorbent.
  
• They come in cute colors.
• 100% cotton means that they will wash cleaner and stain less.
• There is an organic cotton version available for a little more money.
  
• They have a snap-in doubler, or extra piece of cloth, for added absorbency. You can take it out for younger babies, or just use the snap-in by itself for a newborn inside a newborn cover.
  
• I haven't had any leaks, and I don't expect to.
  

Cons:

• The name is just wrong! There is nothing "tiny" or "trim" about Isaac's tush when this diaper is on! They make Isaac have a HUGE butt. I mean, HUGE! Remember those Subway (I think it was Subway) commercials that mentioned the big "badongadonk?" Well, that's what we were calling Isaac yesterday. That, and "big booty boy," and many other alliterative names that I won't mention here. But the point is, those things just make his rear end incredibly big.
• There is no way I'd take him out of the house in this fitted diaper and a cover. He doesn't fit in jeans or any "normal" clothes while wearing them. It's strictly a sweatpants only thing.
• I don't buy the whole one-size-fits-all deal. If you snapped this down to make it smaller for an infant, it would be even bulkier than it already is. I would not use this on a newborn unless everything else I had in the house was dirty and this was my only option.
  

Bottom line (no pun intended): I don't mind using Tiny Tush fitted diapers with covers at home, but they are not practical for using outside of the house. They are just way too bulky. Hopefully I will find a brand of fitteds that really are trim.

(I will add some pics of Isaac with these on within the next couple of days. I was having camera issues on the day he wore them last.)

Cloth Diaper Order

After using gdiapers for a few months (with and without cloth inserts), I've decided that it's time to try something new. So, I hit the internet and spent many hours over many nights pouring through the options.

HOLY COW, there are so many choices!

You've got prefolds, fitteds, covers, all-in-ones, and pocket diapers. When you decide what you want to try, you then have to decide what type--do you want all cotton? Organic cotton? Hemp? Bamboo? Velour? Fleece? Wool? The options go on and on.

After my research, here's what I decided to purchase and trial:

• 2 Sposo-easy all-in-one diapers
  
• 7 Dream Eze organic cotton fitted diapers
• 5 Tiny Tush cotton fitted diapers
• 2 All-together cotton fitted diapers
  
• 2 Imse Vimse organic cotton covers
• 1 Imse Vimse organic wool cover
• 1 Aristocrat organic wool cover

I also finally bought some training pants for Caleb so I can get that boy out of disposable pull-ups. I hate those things! I'm ready for him to be potty trained. I bought 6 of the Imse Vimse organic cotton trainers (outer and inner layers of cotton, with a waterproof PUL layer in the middle).

Here are the factors that influenced my decisions:

• All-in-ones: I wanted to try the Sposo Easy all-in-ones (AIO) because they are just supposed to be the best and easiest thing out there. They go on just like a disposable diaper, except they have either snap or velcro closures. The inside is super-comfy cotton. You can buy it in organic cotton, but it's an extra $4 per diaper, and I didn't spring for that this time. The best thing is that there is no assembly required since it's all-in-one!

• Fabric: I did not want anything but cotton next to my baby's bottom. I think it's the best thing for his skin. Cotton cleans up easier and stays softer than other materials. Also, I have some sensory issues, and I just get the heebie-jeebies when I touch certain materials (like velour, fleece, some polyester, etc.). So I stayed away from these materials for my own sake as much as Isaac's! I also am mindful that Caleb is very sensitive to polyester and synthetics (his skin turns bright red when his skin rubs against these fabrics--it's better now than when he was a baby, but still is an issue). I want to keep these synthetics away from Isaac, too, even though he hasn't had any problems yet (and remembering that I can use these cloth diapers for the next baby, who may have skin issues like Caleb).

• Fitted diapers: Fitted diapers are basically what you would think of when you think of cloth diapers, but they are already "fitted" into the shape of a diaper, and they close with
  
  velcro or snaps so none of those pins are necessary. I chose some that are made of all cotton, but you can get them in hemp, fleece, velour, microfiber, or bamboo. They require a waterproof cover over them. I chose to go with fitteds rather than prefolds, which you have to fold to fit your baby and then pin together. Who has the time for that? If you do, more power to ya!

• Covers: Covers are waterproof and go over a fitted diaper. I never thought I would get wool covers while living in Texas, but I did! After researching, they are the only natural, breathable option for covers out there. And they seem great for overnight--
  
  wool can soak up a ton of liquid and not feel wet. I also got some organic cotton covers, which are cotton on the outside and a wipe-off PUL on the inside. I debated about that PUL layer, but it won't touch Isaac's skin (the fitted will), so I don't think it will be a big deal. You can use covers a few times before washing. Wool covers can be used for a couple of WEEKS between washings! How crazy is that!

Cloth Diaper Review: Gdiapers

This will be the first in a series of posts about cloth diapers. I told my story of how I came to use gdiapers in the previous post.

Left: starter kit comes with 2 "little g" covers, 3 liners, and 10 flushables















Price: $24-27 for a starter kit (see pic), about $17 for extra covers, $15 for a pack of flushable inserts (between $.36 and $.45 per flushie, depending on the size)

Availability: amazon.com, Whole Foods, and target.com for the starter kits; covers in colors other than orange or vanilla bean currently have to be purchased at gdiaper.com

How it works: Gdiapers are what they call a "hybrid diaper." It's not totally cloth, but it's not disposable either. It's kind of like Cloth Diapering 101. There's an outer cotton cover, an inner waterproof liner that snaps into the cover, and a flushable insert that goes in the liner. Yup--flushable. When your kid poops or pees in it, you just pull it out and flush it down.

Well, theoretically. You have to rip the sides off of the insert first, and say a prayer to Jesus that your toilet doesn't get clogged in the process. (Hey, He's God over the little things, too!) But it's fairly simple, and we've been using them with a good amount of success since June.


Left: an opened cover with a liner snapped into it (the flushie fits into this)






Pros:

• They are adorable!
  
• The velcro fastens in the back, so it isn't easy for little fingers to pull off.
• The inserts can be flushed down the toilet, thrown away (they will biodegrade quickly!), or composted (just the pee ones).
• They have held up well after Isaac's 6+ months of use. A little fading and wearing down on the velcro, but definitely still usable for many months to come.
• There are no fancy laundry routines required--you just wash the covers and liners in warm with the rest of your laundry.
• You can reuse the cover several times before washing it.(The liner usually needs to be hand-washed in the sink after one use--just use a little soap and warm water. It dries very quickly, so you can just leave it out to dry.)
  
• The g's are super-trim, so they fit nicely under regular kid clothing. Some cloth diaper systems are too bulky for normal clothes.
• Their customer support rocks! You can talk to a real live person on the phone, or send an email and have it answered pretty quickly. Their headquarters are in the Northwest (Seattle area, I think), and they actually have planned events for g parents.
• There's a great support group for g-parents on yahoo! groups.
  

Cons:

• The flushies are expensive--more than a disposable diaper.
• You can use cloth inserts in the liner instead of the flushies, but I always get leaks when I do this. (I still do it, but I just know I'll have to do more laundry that way.)
  
• The snaps often leave red marks on Isaac's skin, no matter how tight or loose I fasten the g.
• I don't trust these overnight or on long shopping trips. They just aren't as absorbant as a regular diaper, so we still use disposables for those times. Tried and true g mums will put two flushies in there at night, but that just gets too pricey for me.
• Whenever a kid poops in a gdiaper, you're going to get poop on the waterproof liner. That means that you're going to have to unsnap the liner and wash it in the sink. Yup, that means you often get poop on your hands. If that totally grosses you out, then gdiapers are not for you.
• The waterproof liner does lose its "waterproofness" over time. Ours are still okay, but not as good as they were when we first bought them. I still don't have a problem with leaks when using the flushies. But eventually we'd need to wash them in a product like Nic Wax to get that waterproofness (is that a word?) back.
  

Overall Impression:
Gdiapers are a great introduction to cloth diapers. If you have the money to pay for the flushables, and you don't want to worry about dealing with the particulars of washing cloth diapers (since g's go in your regular laundry), go for it! It's definitely much better for the environment than disposables.

For me, I can't afford the flushies, and I'm not opposed to doing extra laundry. I'm researching other options, but these cute little g's will have a special place in my diaper stash.

Note:
If anyone needs a coupon for these, I have several. Just let me know and I'll mail one out to you for free.

Our Cloth Diaper Jouney

It all started in May 2008 when I got an email from amazon.com stating that they were now carrying something called "gdiapers", and they thought I might be interested since I had bought baby stuff from them before. Usually I ignore emails like that, but this one caught my attention. I started reading, and I learned that your normal disposable diaper spends 500 years in a landfill. Holy cow!

I am probably like most parents out there, and I hadn't even thought of using cloth diapers. It just wasn't an option. Who wants to swish poopy stuff in the toilet or deal with diaper pins and rubber pants? But when I heard about gdiapers, it just changed my way of thinking completely. Cloth diapers have come a long way, and they are actually pretty cute and user-friendly now (not to mention better for your baby's bottom than all those synthetics in a plastic diaper).

I have become much more eco-minded since I got that amazon email. I had not bothered to think much about the environment before then. But when I started reading--and reading and reading--and becoming more conscious of what kind of environmental impact I was having, I just couldn't sit by and do nothing anymore. I certainly couldn't use disposable diapers exclusively anymore, knowing that all of those diapers will sit there in a landfill for the next 500 years (for my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandkids).

I am going to write out my reviews of the different cloth options I try. I'll start with gdiapers in my next post.

Baby Food

Isaac is so different from Caleb. He likes just about every food we give him. Caleb at this age had already developed dislikes for several foods. I blame myself--when I was pregnant with Caleb, all I wanted to eat was McDonald's cheeseburgers and turkey bacon sandwiches! I was a much healthier eater with Isaac.

So, Isaac is starting out his adventures in food very differently. We started him on all organic foods, with added probiotics and/or DHA when available. Caleb never had any of that stuff.

I started making my own baby food last month. It's saving a ton of money! I don't buy all organic, but I try to when I can. I only buy premade baby food occassionally, and when I do I like the organic Happy Baby frozen foods. (There are BOGO coupons for Happy Baby on the Happy Bellies cereal cans, so it's affordable.) I have made my own squash and sweet potatoes supply, and today I made applesauce and blueberry puree. I buy fresh bananas and avocados--it doesn't get any easier than that, since all you have to do is mush them up with a fork or stick them in the food processor. I have some peas and green beans I need to cook and puree.

It is oddly satisfying to make your own baby food.

For my own benefit, here's a list of foods that Isaac eats and enjoys:

• Brown rice, oatmeal, and quinoa cereals
• Bananas
• Avocados
• Applesauce (regular and cinammon; he likes it mixed with other food better than by itself)
• Squash
• Sweet potatoes
• Cheerios
• Strawberry/apple puffs
• Shredded cheese (mild or sharp cheddar)
• Green beans
• Peas
• Spinach
• Pears
• Carrots
• Mango
• Black beans
• Egg yolks--he didn't like this in chunks, but will try it pureed

I need to try these over the next couple of weeks:

• Chicken
• Turkey
• Ground beef
• Yogurt
• Grapes (can freeze them and put them in a mesh baby feeder, or peel and cut into quarters)

I am going to buy one of those 2-tier steamers. Today I used the little collapsible steamer for the first time, and it worked okay, but not great.

Things I learned today to remember next time:

• For blueberries, bring the water to a boil, add blueberries, and immediately turn down the heat. Let the blueberries simmer in the hot water for 15 minutes. I kept the water boiling when I made them today, and the blueberries broke apart and drained into the water.
• For apples, dice them very small so they'll cook faster. I think it took about 45 minutes to steam my 6 apples today! I thought it would only take about 20 minutes. Also, make more for myself! The apples were SO good and smelled wonderful while they were cooking. I kept "testing" them. ;)