Yup! That's a positive pregnancy test! I was so excited--Scott and I have been wanting to add to our family and have been praying for a baby. I woke Scott up at 7:00 to show him the results. (Yes, I thrust a pee stick in his face first thing in the morning. Isn't that a wonderful way to wake up?)
We went to Thanksgiving at my parents' house and told our immediate family members. Of course they were all very happy for us.
On Monday, I made an appointment with my Ob/Gyn for mid-December.
On Tuesday, I started spotting a little. I called and talked to a nurse at my doctor's office, and she said that what I described was probably normal and to just call back if the bleeding got heavy or if I started to have pain. That night I went out to dinner with some great girlfriends of mine, and during the evening I started to bleed more. By the time I crawled into bed that night, I knew something had gone horribly wrong. I cried myself to sleep while Scott held me tight.
On Wednesday, I woke up in pain. I called the doctor's office, and they asked me to come in that afternoon. I made an appointment for 2:20--by then I was bleeding heavily. At the appointment, the doctor gently confirmed what I already knew--I had lost the baby. I was only about 5 weeks pregnant.
Although this experience is hard and painful, I trust God. I know that He has my little baby in heaven right now. I imagine there is a special place there for babies who never even got a chance to make it out of the womb.
There is a song from Watermark (now just Christy Nockels) called Glory Baby that keeps going through my head. I wanted to share some of the lyrics here with you:
Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby....baby
You were growing
What happened dear
You disappeared on us baby....baby
Heaven will hold you
Before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you....
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day
When we will hold you, we will hold you...
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
Til Mom and Dad will hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies
It's hard to understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there's healing
And we know we're stronger people
Through the growing and knowing
That all things work together
For our good
And God works His purposes
Just like He said He would...
I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
My friend Vickey sent me a card yesterday that reminded me that God's hands were big enough to create the world, and they are also strong enough to heal me and gentle enough to hold me. Amen to that.
